'70s Oscar Winners Sell Out *snort*

It's really a kick finding some of the ads that were made by some of our greatest actors before they found fame and fortune. They're so earnest.

Here's Dustin Hoffman doing his best to convince us to buy a Volkswagen.



And here's Robert DeNiro with a 1970 Ambassador, in an ad that could safely be called "ethnic."

'60s Cartoons Sell Out *snort*

I'm guessing many of you are familiar with the Flintstones pitching Winston cigarettes, part of their early ballyhooing that theirs was the first cartoon aimed at adults.



What you may not know is that Mr. Magoo was regularly drunk on Stag Beer.



And here's Underdog in an unusually plot-heavy ad for Cheerios.

Keanu Reeves Sells Out *snort*

Give me a W! Give me an H! Give me an O! Give me an A!

Yes, it's Ted Theodore Logan himself, the Neo and nlyo, going for the commercial gusto. First, as a young man, he practically orgasms over the taste of Kellogg's Corn Flakes.



For relaxing times, composer Keanu makes it Suntory time.



And finally, he's still willing to shill for something he believes in...

Martin Scorsese Sells Out *snort*

I just got back from an Oscar party, where it was a real treat to watch Martin Scorsese finally get his Oscar for Best Director. So it's a day for feeling the Marty love.

Here he is doing commercials with American Express, both as actor...



...and as director.



And what the hell - here's how Sesame Street might look if he got his hands on it.

Michael Jackson Sells Out *snort*

Been a while, hasn't it? Well, let's set the wayback machine to 1973ish, when Michael and his four siblings were shilling for Alpha-Bits.

We'll start with Michael eating a dog, to the horror and disgust of his brothers.



In this one Michael pulls an absolutely brilliant trick to make his brothers say yes, and then roars with delight.



Finally, the five of them sail the skies on a viking ship, heading for the land of milk and honey - all the better to eat their good nutritious breakfast.



And that's no jive!

Joe Namath Sells Out *snort*

Seems I've fallen off the every-nine-days cycle for my sellout series. Well, I'll just post them as they come from now on...

In his heyday, Joe Namath advertised everything from alcohol to Ovaltine. Some of his chosen products were for the boys (here he's with Farrah Fawcett)...



...and some weren't.



The company that advertised Olivetti typewriters was getting in hot water for their ads, which only showed men as bosses and only showed women as secretaries. To make up for this, here's the ad they came up with:



No doubt about it - the man was a playa.

David Bowie Sells Out *snort*

Of course I can't leave the every-nine-posts tradition to die, so here's a marvy water ad by David Bowie and friends.



But since we can't abandon the Christmas week theme either, here's his "Little Drummer Boy / Peace on Earth" duet with Bing Crosby. This came out in 1977, after Bing died; his last words were "Great game of golf, fellers." Not that you asked...

Jason Alexander Sells Out *snort*

Before he embodied George Costanza in Seinfeld... before he slapped Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman... Jason Alexander was a mainstay in advertisements. I always thought it was a crime that he didn't win an Emmy for his Seinfeld work, and I'm delighted to say his talent shone through a long time before his scalp did, whether he was advertising Lipton Soup Mix...



...getting money the Western Union way...



...or keeping the hot side hot and the cool side cool with McDonald's.

The Electric Company Sell Out *snort*

The Best of the Electric Company Volume 2 just came out on DVD, and it's number one on my Christmas wish list. Really, the extent to which that show honed my humor as well as my reading skills can't be overestimated.

After the show ended, I saw members of the cast in a few commercials. Jimmy Boyd appeared in an IGA spot, Judy Graubert shilled for Miracle Whip ("Tomato, tomato, tomato..."), and Luis Avalos got to deliver the punchline as a detective in a Kentucky Fried Chicken ad ("His wife'll kill him if he doesn't eat right!")

Here are a couple more, sort of before my time...



Skip Hinnant, the bank teller here, would go on to play Fargo North, Decoder. He was also the voice for Fritz the Cat (it's great fun to hear him say "Go @#$% yourself"), and Schroeder in the original Broadway production of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.



Who knows what happened to Morgan Freeman. But I love how he crosses Easy Reader with the Witchita Lineman here.

Matt Leblanc Sells Out *snort*

This commercial was so pervasive in the '80s that when I read that our favorite dumb Friend was in a ketchup commercial, I didn't even have to think to remember it. Note Jon Astley's "Jane's Getting Serious" in the background.



Incidentally, if you're wondering what exactly a sellout is, here's Mick Jones of the Clash to explain it all for you. (The embedding has been disabled, so you'll have to click here.)

Jodie Foster Sells Out *snort*

Man: "Would you rather write the Great American Novel or sleep with Jodie Foster?"
Crowd of men & women: "SLEEP WITH JODIE!"

--Some cartoon I once read

Those Japanese ads have been pretty damn good to me lately. Here she is, two-time Oscar winning muse of would-be assassins everywhere, pushing cosmetics and looking lovely doing it.



This wasn't her first ad, of course. A quarter century earlier, she did some fine work for Small Shots.

Andy Warhol Sells Out *snort*

Andy Warhol may not have created all the art he's credited with creating, and he may have turned into more of a celebrity-artist than an artist-celebrity, but I sure did enjoy him. I remember the day he died; the local classic rock radio station played "Andy Warhol" by David Bowie, something I've never heard on the radio before or since. My sister, a huge Bowie fan, was all excited, clapping and singing along. Then the DJ came on to explain why they'd played it. Sad times.

This is an ad he did in the '60s, in a campaign that gave birth to the phrase "When you got it, flaunt it." That's boxer Sonny Liston on the right.



George Lois, whose firm created the ads, later revealed that Andy whispered his lines, so someone else dubbed them in later. If you want to hear his actual voice, here he is saying "Red, green, blue, ultramarine, beautiful" in Japanese.

Nicolas Cage Sells Out *snort*

I don't know if anyone's noticed, but I've always posted my Sells Out series exactly nine days apart from each other. Today's the first time I'm breaking that habit, on account of there's an anniversary I'm planning to note tomorrow.

Plus the fact that I just couldn't hold off on this one second longer.

Watch Nicolas Cage's mind get absolutely blown when he meets a set of triplets in this Japanese ad.

Bugs Bunny Sells Out *snort*

Time for another in a continuing series of the famous and rich giving up their street cred to be just a little bit richer, and don't we love 'em for it. Today's victim: a certain rabbit.

Bugs Bunny quite literally drank the Kool-Aid in the '60s, when it was associated with acid tests just as much as with Saturday mornings. Here he is doing the Kool-Aid Kool (though to me it looks more like the Monkey). I'm not sure I want to know how one drinks Kool-Aid "bunny-style."



And here he joins three quarters of the Monkees, for all of three seconds. As one commenter notes, he only acknowledges Davy and then disappears: "Even he was embarrassed to be associated with the Monkees by that point."

Dead Celebrities Sell Out *snort*

Today I'd like to delve into the use of celebrities in commercials where the celebrities in question have long since rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible.



The sight of Fred Astaire's talents being used to sell vacuum cleaners nauseated more than a few when Dirt Devil's ad campaign first appeared in 1997. There is certainly something reprehensible about cheaping what a famous person does, in the hopes that it will make someone want to spend money. Jack Kerouac wore khakis; shouldn't I?



But here's the dirty little secret - these ads are fun. Get past the salesmanship and what are you left with? A minute in the company of an old friend, in the prime of life, doing things s/he never got the opportunity to do. They're part of our world again, and it's good to have them back.



When someone means a lot to you, getting to see them one more time is always going to push your pleasure buttons. Since a two hour film is out of the question, we're glad to settle for sixty seconds - and the only films that long take place between part 1 and 2 of the show of your choice.



So let's let Audrey Hepburn dance to a song twenty-three years before Angus Young wrote it. She may not be where she expected to be, but she's with us, she's making us happy to see her again, and I think that should be enough.

The Leningrad Cowboys Sell Out *snort*

The Leningrad Cowboys, a Finnish polka-rock band immortalized in such films as Leningrad Cowboys Go America and Leningrad Cowboys Meet Moses, may not be very well known in this country.

But they're huge in Japan.



If you're fascinated by those songs, those shoes, and those hairstyles, here they are performing ZZ Top's "Gimme All Your Lovin'" with the Soviet Red Army Choir.

Being one-quarter Finnish myself, I have to say, these guys have got sisu!

Tori Amos Sells Out *snort*

Time once again for yet another of a series of celebrities who couldn't resist the almighty dollar. Today, proof positive that in 1985, Tori Amos was indeed a cornflake girl.



She beat out Sarah Jessica Parker for the role because she could play the piano and SJP couldn't. See, kids? You never know when a talent might come in handy.

Tom Waits Sells Out *snort*

If Michael Jackson wants to work for Pepsi, why doesn't he just get himself a suit and an office in their headquarters and be done with it. -- Tom Waits

He was between labels, he'd just gotten married, and he needed the money. So Tom Waits decided that just this one time, he'd do a voice-over for a commercial.



He also vowed he'd never do it again. To my knowledge, he hasn't - in fact, he's sued and won more than once when companies used soundalikes.

Incidentally, the ad won several awards. So if he's going to slum, it's nice to know he's terrific at it.

Bob Dylan Sells Out *snort*

Over the years, His Royal Bobness must have gotten hundreds upon hundreds of offers to sell his songs to Madison Avenue. One can imagine Just For Men haircoloring making good use of "My Back Pages," with its refrain, "Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."

Of course, Dylan turned them down. But not for the high minded reasons we all assumed. It turned out he was just waiting for the right company to offer.

How do we know this? Because he came right out and said what he'd sell out for. Thirty-eight years earlier.



Kudos for whoever dug up the press conference after the ad came out. And more kudos for whoever convinced Vincent Price to appear in the ad.

The Stones Sell Out *snort*

Time once again for another episode in our Sellout Series. Today's entry: the Rolling Stones, with an original song recorded for a Rice Krispies ad.



I have to say, this flat out rocks, especially when Keith's guitar kicks in halfway through. At some point, you have to wonder when the line's crossed and selling out turns into buying in.